Wives, submit as unto the Lord: what Ephesians 5 actually asks
Dillon McCurdy · September 2, 2026 · 8 min read
Marriage series, part 4 of 5 · Ephesians 5:22–24; 1 Peter 3:1–6
This is the part of Ephesians 5 people get nervous about, so let's read it carefully and take it at its word: "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything" (Ephesians 5:22–24).
"Submit yourselves"
Submission is a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, taking responsibility, carrying a burden. Notice it's something you do — it's not something done to you. A husband can't submit his wife; only she can.
And it is not a matter of inferiority. Jesus submitted to the Father; the Spirit submits to the Father and the Son; and all three are fully equal. Submission is the willing placing of one equal under another. Men and women are equals in the home. That's the difference between a wife submitting to her husband and a child obeying his parents: the wife places herself there, as an equal choosing to yield; the child listens to those over him.
Wives, a fair question: how do you expect your children to obey you if you don't submit to your husband?
"To your own husbands"
This command is specific: your own husband. Not other men. Be the wife to your husband and not to anyone else. Husbands and wives fill many roles for each other, and being physically faithful to your husband doesn't automatically mean you're emotionally faithful. Think well of your husband. Don't be enamored with other men.
"As to the Lord"
This is the part that makes it work. You submit to your husband the way you submit to Jesus. Man-centered reasons are hard to keep up and don't last. Don't submit to your husband because he deserves it — he probably doesn't, and neither do any of us. Don't do it because he's holding up his end of loving you — he might not always. If your submission is purely reciprocal, it will end.
Submit to your husband because it's what God wants you to do. God doesn't change, and He is always worthy of your obedience.
Why Jesus is worth submitting to
Because He is God. Because He is perfect. Because He died and rose from the dead. Because He saved us. And here's the remarkable thing: He is also the example. "He went down with them and came to Nazareth and was obedient to them" (Luke 2:51). He is God, and He humbled Himself and submitted to Mary and Joseph. You are not God. Submit to your husband.
The place of service and submission is one of the best ways to be like Christ. Don't think of it as a burden. Think of it as a blessing — following in the way of Jesus.
A good example to an unsaved husband
Peter adds something important: "Wives, submit to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live, when they observe your pure, reverent lives" (1 Peter 3:1–2).
If your husband isn't saved, or just doesn't "get into" church, how you live, talk, and behave at home is the loudest sermon he'll ever hear. If you come home and talk negatively about the church or the people in it, or seem one way at church and another at home, why would he want any part of it? Your submission and your Christian life will do more to win him than any argument. The opposite will most likely push him away.
A meek and quiet spirit
Peter says a wife's beauty isn't the outward kind — hair, jewelry, clothes — but "the hidden person of the heart... a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's eyes" (1 Peter 3:4). Gentleness is the opposite of self-assertion and self-interest. It comes from trusting God's goodness and His control over the situation. The gentle person isn't occupied with self. And that, Scripture says, is a work of the Holy Spirit, not human willpower. God values the beauty of your heart. Trust Him, lay aside self, and you'll find a peaceable, contented temperament follows.
"Reverence her husband"
Paul closes the chapter with it: "the wife is to respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). Treat him with humble respect. That's the summary of everything above — and the next post turns to what God says to husbands in 1 Peter 3:7, which is where the other half of a healthy home is built.