Husbands, love your wife like Christ loves the church
Dillon McCurdy · September 1, 2026 · 9 min read
Marriage series, part 3 of 5 · Ephesians 5:25–33
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Men, that is the whole assignment, and the standard couldn't be higher. Here's what it asks of us, phrase by phrase.
"Husbands"
A husband is a married man — a man who has vowed his loyalty, love, and long-suffering to one woman, and committed to stay faithful through all of life until death visits him or her. Most of us said something like this out loud: Will you have this woman to be your wedded wife; will you love her, honor and keep her, in sickness as in health, in poverty as in wealth, and forsaking all others, keep only unto her so long as you both shall live? I said it: "I, Dillon, take you, Kailee, to be my wedded wife — to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, till death do us part."
You made a commitment. Now keep it. Forsaking all others. Your wife should be the preeminent person in your life — not your friends, not your parents, not your children, and definitely not some other woman.
And marriage meets your needs, men. Emotional: "It is not good for the man to be alone" (Genesis 2:18). Social: "Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth" (Genesis 1:28). Physical: "let every man have his own wife... let the husband fulfill his marital duty to his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:2–3). Spiritual: all of Ephesians 5:22–33. Your wife is God's provision for you.
"Love your wives"
Don't be infatuated with other women. Love, respect, and think well of your wife. Actions start in the heart: if you love your wife in your heart you'll love her outwardly, and if you start to stray from her in your heart you'll start to stray outwardly.
The word here is agape — to be fond of, to love dearly. This love is a choice. It's not based on reasons or on reciprocation. It's a decision. And notice why God commands it: so that we don't abuse our headship. A head who doesn't love is a tyrant. Love is what makes leadership safe.
"As Christ loved the church"
What a standard. Matthew Henry put it well: Christ's love for the church is "a sincere, a pure, an ardent, and constant affection, and that notwithstanding the imperfections and failures that she is guilty of." Christ didn't wait for the church to deserve Him. He loved her first, and He keeps loving her through every failure. That's the pattern.
"And gave Himself for her"
Maybe you'd be willing to die for your wife. Are you willing to live for her?
The phrase "gave Himself" carries the sense of handing over, giving up — Paul uses the same words of Christ in Galatians 2:20: "who loved me and gave Himself for me." Christ handed over His own will for the sake of the church. Men, forsake your own will for the sake and wellbeing of your wife. Hand over your dreams, desires, and wants, and develop them together.
"That He might sanctify and cleanse her"
An old commentator noticed that many men point to their wives' faults to excuse their own hardness — and then noticed what kind of church Christ received when He joined her to Himself. He does not reject her for all her filth and uncleanness, but keeps washing it away with His own cleanness until she is wholly pure. May we be as loving and gracious with our wives as Christ is with us.
"As their own bodies"
"Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (Ephesians 5:28). We take very good care of ourselves. Consider your wife and her needs as much as or more than your own. We're called to be selfless as Christians — start at home. Paul says of all believers, "Outdo one another in showing honor" (Romans 12:10). That's how we're supposed to treat everyone. Are you at least treating your wife that way?
Men, your primary ministry is your wife. You don't have to choose between serving God and serving your spouse. Very often they're the same thing.
"Nourishes and cherishes"
Nourish means to bring to maturity — the way a parent "brings up" a child (it's the same word as Ephesians 6:4). Cherish means to keep warm, to foster with tender care; Paul uses it of a nursing mother in 1 Thessalonians 2:7. That's how the Lord treats His church: He raises us up and tends us gently. And it's how we're to treat our wives.
"One flesh"
The reason Christ cares for the church is the reason we care for our wives: we are one. "A man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31; Genesis 2:24). "Joined" means glued. When you pull away from your wife it's like tearing apart two pieces of paper that have been glued together — bad for everyone involved. Leave and cleave. Your priority is your mate.
Woman was created for man and completes him. Husbands, let your wife complete you. Be content with her and love her.
To sum it up
Love your wife like Jesus loves the church: sacrifice for her, prefer her, treat her the way you want to be treated. Love her like you love yourself. That's the command. The next post looks at what God asks of wives — and why it's the same thing, from the other side.
Men, you cannot hand out a love you've never been handed. Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. That is not a marriage tip first, it's a thing that happened at a cross. He died for sin He never committed, yours and mine, and He got up out of that grave. If you've never trusted Him for that, this whole post is asking you to copy a love you've never received. Receive it first. Ask Jesus to save you, today, at the kitchen table if that's where you're sitting.
If He already has you, pick one thing off this and go do it before you talk yourself out of it. Nourish means bring to maturity. So ask her what she wants to become, and then ask what you can carry so she can get there. Write the answer down. Cherish means keep warm. So find one small warm thing — the coffee, the coat, ten minutes where you put the phone face down and listen — and do it every day for seven days straight.
Glue takes a while to set. Give it the week.