'My son' — a father's advice in Proverbs, to sons and to fathers
Dillon McCurdy · October 3, 2026 · 7 min read
From a Sunday school class · Proverbs 1–7, 23
"My son" — the phrase runs through the early chapters of Proverbs like a heartbeat. "My son, listen to your father's instruction" (1:8). "My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you..." (2:1). "My son, don't forget my teaching" (3:1). "Listen, my son. Accept my words" (4:10). "My son, pay attention to my words" (4:20). "My son, pay attention to my wisdom" (5:1). "My son, keep your father's command" (6:20). "My son, obey my words" (7:1). "Listen, my son, and be wise" (23:19). "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways" (23:26). Read it two ways: as a son, and as a father.
From a father to a son
Put all those verses together and here's what Solomon is asking. Hear instruction — look for it, and pay attention when it comes. Don't forsake the teaching — don't walk away from what you've been taught. Receive my words — accept them. Store up my commands — hold onto them like something valuable. Incline your ear to wisdom — when it's being handed out, listen to it and listen for it. Apply your heart to understanding — be purposeful about learning. Pay attention to my words — what I say. Pay attention to my wisdom — what I do. Bow your ear — listen closely. Keep your father's command — do good like I do good. Don't forsake your mother's teaching — do right like she does right. Lay up my commands — collect and store righteous habits. Give me your heart — let your guard down with me. Let your eyes observe my ways — watch how I've lived, and live like that.
From a father to a father
There's an assumption underneath every one of those verses: that what the father and mother are teaching is right and good. Solomon knew what he was teaching his son was right. Be sure that what you're teaching your children is right. We're not under the law of Moses anymore — so what "law" are you handing down? Is it a religion or a relationship? Do your kids see church parents and real parents, or one set of parents?
Fathers, you must be a connected part of your child's life. Be there in word and deed. Tell your children you love them. Spend time with them. Be the disciplinarian — don't make your wife the bad guy. Be consistent.
Be a good spouse. The best example of love you can give your child is being good to their mother — and mothers, the same is true the other way. If you want your children to respect and obey you and your wife, respect and love your wife.
Be better than your parents were — carefully. Don't swing so far from their mistakes that you make the opposite mistake. The opposite of a wrong isn't always right. Some parents felt over-disciplined, so they don't discipline. Some grew up poor, so they give their kids everything. There's a balance: seek to do what's right, not what's opposite. And don't be too hard on your parents. They probably did the best they knew how — and your kids may one day judge you as harshly as you judge them.
Discipline your children. Be consistent — with the family as a whole and with each child. Be in control: it's hard to teach self-control while you're out of control; that only teaches them that being out of control is fine once you're the one in charge. Don't let your child or your emotions run you. My dad used to say time-outs should be for the parents. And remember what discipline is for. It isn't spanking or correcting — it's discipling. Correction is part of it, but it can't be the main part. Love, affirmation, acceptance, peace, and self-control have to be the main part.
Your children are your best discipleship opportunity. One of the goals of being a Christian is to make more Christians, and there's no better opportunity than the people under your roof. Don't waste it. Churches would be full today if children had been discipled. Rewire your thinking from "get my kid to behave" to "make my kid a disciple of Jesus."
Two words before you go
Dad. Mom. You can't disciple a child into something you've never entered yourself. That's the honest problem sitting underneath all of this. If there's never been a time you came to Jesus — admitted the sin, trusted that He died for it and came up out of the grave — then what you're handing your kids is behavior management, and it won't hold past the driveway. He'll take you as the parent you actually are. Tonight, in the quiet, after they're down. Ask Him. Then you'll have something worth passing down.
If He's already yours, do one thing this week. One conversation, not a lecture. Sit with one of your children and tell them what Jesus did for you and what it cost Him. "My son" only works if the father is in the room. Be in the room.
Proverbs: ← The five characters · A father's advice. See also What a father is for and Parenting — your children are your first disciples.