Parenting — your children are your first disciples
Dillon McCurdy · September 21, 2026 · 9 min read
The Family series, part 5 of 6
Responsible to, not for
Webster's 1828 says the duties of parents to their children are "to maintain, protect, and educate them," and adds a line worth remembering: "When parents are wanting in authority, children are wanting in duty." Here's a shift in thinking that helps: as parents, we are not responsible for our children. We're responsible to them. You can't control the outcome. You can control whether you did your part.
Your number one discipleship opportunity
For a Christian, your children are your first and clearest chance to make disciples. We're commanded to make them, and the people who should most certainly become followers of Jesus are the ones under your roof.
So make Jesus the motivation for doing right and for not doing wrong. Man-centered motivation always fails. Don't make things about you, or the pastor, or the church, or what other people will think. Make them about Jesus. Why do we go to church? Jesus. Why do we obey our parents? Jesus. Why do we tell the truth? Jesus. Why do we treat people well? Jesus. As soon as your child starts understanding the why behind the what, start making the why Jesus.
And teach them to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and follow Him. We aren't laying down a list to follow; we're teaching a life to live. The Christian life isn't a set of rules — it's a relationship with the Holy Spirit. If you make it all about rules and structure, your kids may one day throw those rules back in your face. It's much harder to throw a Person back.
Get on the same page with your spouse
If you don't have kids yet — married or not — start thinking now about how you'll parent. The best time to read parenting books is before you have children. As a relationship gets serious, start talking about what your family will look like (not on the first date). Take note of families whose kids you'd want yours to be like, and families you'd rather not imitate.
If you do have kids, talk about them with your spouse constantly. What do they need to work on? How should they be disciplined? Get on the same page. Don't work against each other, and don't let your child pit you against each other.
Do what's right, not what's opposite
A lot of parents do the exact opposite of what their parents did, because of how their parents did it. A lot of parents do exactly what their parents did, for the same reason. Neither is a plan. Search for what's right. If your parents were too hard, don't be too soft to make up for it. If they were too soft, don't be too hard. And don't justify a habit with "I turned out fine." Growing up in a yelling home is not a license to yell at your kids.
Don't blow up
Decide this ahead of time, or you will blow up when something big happens. And when you do, you train your child not to come to you the next time something bad happens. Make sure your kids know they can always fall back on you, no matter what, at any stage of life. I'd say that's especially true for girls — they need that confidence in their parents, and especially in their father.
Communicate
Nothing is more frustrating than someone holding you to expectations they never told you. Don't do that to your children. Talk to them — even at an age when they can't understand you yet. The sooner you start, the sooner they will.
Teach self-control by having it
One of the foundational things you're teaching your children is self-control, and it's impossible to teach self-control while you're out of control. The best way to teach it is to be in control yourself. Be the person you'd want to follow. When you're out of control and demand that your children control themselves, what you're actually teaching is that they can be out of control once they're adults. Discipline, diet, exercise, sleep, work — teach self-control in word and in deed.
Admit when you're wrong
It's okay for your child to find out you're not perfect. Going to them when you've done wrong and apologizing is good for both of you.
Deal with it and be done
Don't hold things over your child's head. If you're going to discipline for something, do it and be finished with it. Deal with the issue, then move on. That's how God treats us, and it's how our kids learn what forgiveness looks like.
Read that last line one more time. Deal with the issue, then move on. That's how God treats us.
Which means somebody reading this needs it done for him before he can ever do it for his kids. You can't hand your children something you don't have. If you've never trusted Jesus, the offer is that He takes the whole record — all of it, including the parenting you're ashamed of — because He took the punishment for it and walked out of the grave alive. Trust Him and Him alone and it's handled. Not managed. Handled, and finished.
Parents who already know Him: pick one child this week and apologize for one specific thing. Name it. Don't explain it away and don't staple a lecture on the end of it. Ninety seconds, and they'll remember it longer than anything you ever preach at them.